Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Hubby and Late Hours

I am talking off the fly right now, but needed to vent. Does anyone else have a spouse that works late!? I know I should be so grateful that hubby has a job. This economy sucks and I should feel --and do feel--blessed that he is in a (somewhat) secure job.

However, I get really frustrated at times that he doesn't have a 9 to 5 schedule (it's more like 8am to 7pm). Most nights he leaves the office around 6:00pm, and then add on the hour commute, he doesn't get home until 7:00pm. By that time, I AM DONE!

I guess I need some advice or suggestions because I find myself getting so mad at him sometimes. He swears its "beyond his control" and I am sure it is, but why does it happen over and over. (The Love Dare is truly testing me this week--ha!)

Last week, he was going to meet me and the family for an event at 5:30pm, and guess what!? He got caught up in a conversation with one of his employees and a second with his boss, so didn't meet me until 6:45pm! Tonight he promised he would leave work at 5:30, 6:00 at the latest, and guess what!? He's just leaving now, 6:40pm (remember an hour commute-so that's 7:40pm!--ten minutes past Tom-Tom's bed time).

Oh, BTW, before you think/say it-- I know he is at his desk--he answers his phone and emails--it's not like he is out drinking with friends or cheating on me or anything crazy.

I feel guilty for even complaining, again since he HAS a job, but at times I truly fee like a single mom. Anyone else relate!?


The Heckathorns said...

I can relate! OMG I can relate! When the hubs isn't deployed or out of town, he has the craziest hours! Sometimes he'll get home normal, but there are times where that 12 hours turns into 16 hours and I go out of my head crazy! Sometimes it's out of his control, but sometimes it's b/c someone stopped him before he walked out the door and they get into a conversation...time elapses and they have been talking for almost an hour. (by this time, more people have joined the convo) He's having an adult moment without the work, while i'm running around like a chicken with my head cut off! (and he gets time alone...quiet in the car on the way home...while i'm sitting at home with the screaming/fighting/yelling/biting) I always tell myself that the grass is greener on the other side...but my grass is brown and has weeds...while his is in South America eating flan and drinking margaritas.

And it's OK to vent. If you didn't you might self-destruct and that's not good right? :) I don't think you're mad at him...you are mad at the situation. Our job is the hardest job ever...and not just anyone can do it! Just remember that!

Just The Girl said...

I know how you feel...my hubby is just so nice and can't say no, he is always doing side jobs or stopping by someone house to lokk at or fix something and when I call he says he'll be right home but an hour goes by before he walks in. I now he loves us and want to be with us it's just he's to easy and nice! I guess thats a really great quality and so I just have to think before I open my mouth (and pray alot)!

The devil so wants to put a wedge between what is good....

Ali said...

This past year has been good because hubby was starting up a new office position at the PD but come the new year, he goes back to patrol and 12 hr shifts. The only thing that bothers me about it is on Fridays the boys spend the night with the grandparents to give me a break, and hubby gets upset that he "can't even see his own kids on the weekends." Pfft! After a week of going nonstop I NEED that break!

Sullivans said...

My husband works a lot of late hours as well. To be totally honest, I dont mind. I usually know in advance, and can plan around it. Once I get all 3 kids to be then I can just veg out and relax and watch tv. I used to HATE it. But I got used to it. You will too! Hang in there.

Live.Love.Eat said...

Yikes, I'm sorry. I don't mention it on my blog only for safety reasons but my husband travels so I don't expect him home at certain times only to be surprised. I only have one child so I have it pretty easy with no complaints. I would be frustrated if I were you too and I think it comes down to not being able to say no. I work but have to leave the office right at 5 to pick up my son at daycare before it closes. And even on days I don't have to I am still at 5 because I don't mind saying no. Even when the President is visiting I am out at 5. Not sure why men can't do the same.

Ashley Griffin said...

Oh girl... i do understand. hubby started a bank 3 yrs ago so that has entailed a lot of late hours. PLUS he has many business dinners and having to meet customers at odd hours sometimes. and i did get very very frustrated. until i realized that, just like you said, he does have a job and he is working hard to provide for our family. and MOST of the time, he would RATHER be here and not there. i have to focus on those times that he DOES make it on time or even a little early and make those times really happy... and let the others go. very hard. i also have to remember that when i am frustrated and irritated, the heart of the matter is usually a matter of the heart... just food for thought... we get so focused on them, instead of what we can do to make things better when they do make it home.

Allyson and Dave said...

My husband works 3 days this month and 3 days next month. Now he travels when he works so that is 3 full days being gone. But guess what...when he does not work he does not get paid. I would gladly have him work 12 hour days if it meant he was getting paid and keeping busy. He sits on the couch for 12 hours a day and it drives me nuts. The worst part is that he gets used to this schedule so when he finds himself looking for a new job he refuses to work a Monday - Friday jobs...he thinks he is above that. He has been looking for a new job for 2 years and has yet to find anything to meet his qualifications.

P.S.He loves you.. said...

well my two cents is this..

make it your priorty not to be his "other timeclock" instead make coming home or meeting you no matter what, a moment he can't wait for..give him something to be in a hurry towards..not run away from.

I know the boat your in as often I'm in the same one..and because I was ready for change I decided to serve in this way. I have felt/seen a difference in my attitude is and his.

Yes it's hard, yes it's sometimes not fair..but serioulsy who said it would not be?

Let no man (even upset irratated wives) seperate what God has joined together.

And remember we have the best jobs in the world..and sometimes our dh don't know how much we appriciate their sacrifices for us (O/T).. make his home a haven and remember to talk with him when your NOT upset about his "lateness".

amyc said...

I think the hardest part is when they tell you they will be home at set time and then don't make it. I was so upset at Brian this past week for doing it to me two days in a row and then he had to be gone all weekend. It's not easy!

tollesons4him said...

I know what you mean, hubby is only home on Tuesday and Thursday nights. It's hard to do everything and pretend that everything is fine. Don't feel guilty about complaining you have to vent it's better that way. {{HUGS}}

Toni said...

I can't help you with this one. I would totally feel the same way. And yes you should be thankful he has a job but that does not lessen the way you feel.

I think I would feel differently if I worked outside the home - maybe. But when Brad has later than usual nights I can feel myself getting tense. I am pretty good at shaking it off and putting on the happy face however, it does not happen too often.

Good luck with this!

The Mrs. said...

I can tell you I am going through the same thing. I actually feel better now that I am not working outside the home, it was just too much. I have started doing fun things with Landon from 4-6 for fun! This makes things better.

MOMMY-MOMO said...

oh I completely relate! my hubby also has a stressful job with long hours. I'm lucky and grateful I get to stay at home with the boy, but I find myself getting frustrated to. To make matters worse. by 5 i'm tired and need a break.

Bayou Belle said...

My hubby always used the excuse of making himself valuable so he wouldn't lose his job. Guess what? He lost his job. Seems he was too valuable. Became a threat to guy above him and got canned right before merger happened so guy above him would not have competition for head position.

I once gave my husband a quote I found in a magazine. It said, "They won't write 'He was dedicated to his job and worked late' on your grave stone but they will write loving husband and father." Puts it in perspective doesn't it?

Farmer*swife said...

Well, I could throw some more cents in but you have plenty here to read. I get you though. We farm, but the schedules run at the "never know" too.

We deal. And, really, Mama's get most of the work with the youngin's anyhow.

DH tries to tuck them in? But, it won't stick until Mama's visited in full form and routine. :-)

it's good to vent. Even though ya' love them all.

Happy, Hump-Diggity it about over!

tt said...

First time reader here...came over from Farmer's wife's blog...
Venting is a good thing. It's one of the reasons we live longer than men. However, My thoughts have always been this: if he never came home again, would I regret being resentful over his job and hours? Is having him here part of the time better than no time?
My hubby was a career Marine and often gone for months or a years at a time..I never knew if he would be coming home...I never knew if I'd hear him snore again..orif I'd get to feel his hugs again or hear him read the kids a story again....on and on.
sure I vented...he's not perfect and neither am I...but I had to keep it in perspective.
Worked for me.
Great blog by the way. :)